Just to put that into perspective, my daughter’s boyfriend is 42 (23 years older), and my husband and I are 47 and 46. They’ve been dating for over 6 months and met shortly before she turned 19. We highly suspected that she was dating someone, but she has always been as private as possible about her relationships, so we gave her space.
She’s been in 4 relationships with guys her age that we know about, but she never snuck out or lied about where she was going, so we do know there were more. He’s apparently not the first older man she’s dated, but she did confirm that she was 18+ for all of them.
My husband and I both feel very uncomfortable with the situation, and we don’t know how we want to move forward. We want to have another discussion with her, and we need to decide whether or not we want to meet him. She’s a junior in college and lives at home, but we do understand that she is an adult. We just want her to be safe.
What she’s told us about him (who knows what she’s lying about or what he is):
– He’s divorced but has no children.
– They met online.
– He “isn’t a bum.” He is a business owner and apparently does quite well for himself. She only gave us a first name, so I can’t confirm anything.
– He doesn’t have a criminal record.
– He isn’t interested in marriage and doesn’t want kids.
She’s never felt creeped out or uncomfortable with him (I can’t say the same, and we haven’t even met). She says he’s respectful and treats her well.
We aren’t sure about meeting him. On one hand, it would be good to feel things out and see exactly what he’s like. On the other hand, it would be very uncomfortable and awkward for all of us. They have no plans or desire to take the relationship further (no moving in and no marriage), but if they stay together for at least another year there is her graduation where it could be inevitable.
We just don’t know what else we should do or ask. Or if we should just let it be and keep a safe space for her if she needs it. Let her come to us, you know? Any advice, experiences, and further questions are appreciated.
Source: RedditÂ
