If you want your marriage to last, you should pay attention to the habits you’ve developed in your relationship. Sometimes it isn’t always the major things like cheating that cause a relationship to end. According to research, small everyday habits also have a way of contributing to divorce.
The key to a lasting marriage is to create good habits that increase connection and eliminate any bad habits that create distance. So here are some habits and behaviors that can increase the chances of divorce.
1. Neglecting your partner
Neglecting your partner can lead to a breakdown in trust and communication, causing a rift and leading to further distance between couples.
Studies have shown that the longer a couple goes without communicating or engaging in an activity together, the greater their odds are of ending up divorced. This lack of connection can be caused by a variety of factors, including spending too much time on work-related tasks or other personal interests, failing to put enough effort into maintaining relationships outside of the marriage, and not making an effort to understand your partner’s needs and feelings. If these issues are left unaddressed for too long, it can ultimately result in the dissolution of the marriage.
2. Having unrealistic expectations
Having unrealistic expectations may lead to a breakdown in communication and trust between partners. Studies have shown that couples with unreasonable expectations for each other are more likely to end up divorced than those who enter into a marriage understanding that no single person can meet all of their partner’s needs.
Unrealistic expectations often are caused by inadequate communication before marriage, such as not knowing how your partner interacts in a relationship or what they consider important values. Unreasonable expectations also occur when one or both partners assume the relationship will always remain the same, often leading them to become disappointed when things change over time. In some cases, these unrealistic expectations can cause irreparable damage to a marriage, leading to its ultimate dissolution.
3. Allowing a lack of trust or insecurity to build up
If partners don’t speak openly about feelings or doubts with each other, this can lead to a build-up of resentment and distance between them. If these issues are left unaddressed, they can further erode the level of trust and security that are fundamental to a healthy relationship. Without honest communication and mutual understanding, it is much more difficult for couples to regain the closeness that is essential for a strong marriage.
In addition, when one partner harbors feelings of doubt or insecurity in this manner, it can be hard for them to open up and feel truly comfortable within the relationship. This lack of emotional connection only adds fuel to the fire, making divorce more likely.
4. Not setting boundaries
Not establishing and adhering to boundaries can have a very damaging impact on a relationship. When couples don’t make it clear what is acceptable in terms of behavior, communication, or expectations, it can create tension that may result in the partners feeling disconnected and unfulfilled due to the lack of mutual respect.
Furthermore, allowing outside influences to unduly shape one’s decisions can result in arguments and resentment, as one partner may feel their opinion isn’t important or valued by the other. Focusing solely on external forces rather than taking into account how each individual partner and their needs would best be served ultimately leads to an unhealthy dynamic and increased odds of divorce.
5. Lacking commitment
Failing to invest both the time and effort needed to create a meaningful connection with your partner will only contribute to a growing disconnect between the two of you. Taking shortcuts in communication or simply not addressing issues can cause distance to accumulate, and soon, it becomes much more difficult for the couple to reconnect and reignite that spark that was once there. Without the genuine dedication from both parties, getting back on track is close to impossible.
4 horsemen of the Apocalypse
According to Dr. John Gottman’s research, the four horsemen of relationship conflict can be seen as harbingers for the end of a marriage. Commonly referred to as criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt, these forces are powerful indicators that a relationship is in trouble. If left unchecked, any one (or more) of these behaviors can lead to further conflict and deeper divides between partners. Ultimately, the only way to turn things around is to consciously work on addressing and correcting these negative patterns before it’s too late.
The 4 horsemen are:
Criticism – Constant criticism can erode trust in a relationship and make one partner feel inadequate.
Defensiveness – Excessive defensiveness in arguments can shut down conversations before both parties have had a chance to express their feelings or reach a resolution.
Stonewalling – Ignoring your partner when they are trying to communicate their needs creates an unbridgeable distance between you.
Contempt – Belittling one another or expressing contempt for each other’s feelings is almost certain to cause irreparable damage over time.
