We might believe we have a complete understanding of our partners before we choose to marry them. But sometimes, a random finding, which might seem very harmless, can put an end to all our trust in our partner. Just like it happened to Angela, one of our readers. She read her husband’s diary and found out some really creepy things from its entries. Now the desperate wife and mom has only one question, “Should I run away from my spouse immediately?”
Angela’s marriage to her husband started with some red flags.
Angela, 33, wrote a letter to our editorial and told us her story, which provoked many emotions inside our team. The woman asked us to publish her letter, because she wanted to share her problem with our readers and find out what other people think about the devastating situation that Angela appeared to be in.
Angela started her letter, saying, “I and my husband Andrew have been married for 5 years now. We have known each other for 10 years in total, and had been dating for 3 years before we tied the knot. Our marriage was very happy, though it started with a red flag that I wish I hadn’t ignored at the time being.”
Angela revealed, “When Andrew proposed to me, I expected him to give me some nice engagement ring, because he did have a very good income and could afford it. He used to spoil me, buying me expensive presents before, so I was obviously expecting something nice on that special day.
But Andrew showed up with a very cheap ring, and when he saw the expression of a slight disappointment on my face, he said, ’All material things are just things. You can’t bring anything material along with you to the grave, so I think you should be happy and grateful with what I feel for you, not with what I give you.’”
Angela wrote, “I have never been a material person, so I didn’t bother much about that cheap ring, I just felt awkward because of this sudden change in his behavior. With our engagement, he just went from a sincere and generous man to a frugal person with some strange philosophy which I don’t remember him having before. So, I ignored this gesture and his words about bringing something to the grave. I was just happy with what I had at that moment.”
The relationship between spouses was normal, until one day.
Angela goes on with her story, saying, “Andrew has kept a semi-regular diary throughout our 5-year marriage. He never kept it hidden, and up until now I have always respected his privacy. We had a heated conversation one day and my gut just told me to read it, so after he left for work, I did.”
The woman was shocked while she was going through the pages of her husband’s journal. She revealed, “After reading this diary, I wish I had never even touched it, so shocked and disgusted I felt. My dear, my beloved husband wrote several times that he hates me, and at one point he wrote when I was sick he hoped I would die.”
Angela explained, “We did have a rough patch recently that lasted about two weeks. It was quite a dark time for us both, but I believed we pulled through. There was no offense, no moments where I was afraid of him, just open and honest conversations about difficult feelings.
Andrew’s notes of hatred coincided with the period of that rough patch. The rest of the journal was quite tame and reflected the man I know and love. There were his thoughts around his work and family stuff, goals, habit tracking, etc.”
Angela can’t sleep well at night after revealing her husband’s real thoughts about her.
Angela revealed, “When I read those words, I immediately packed up my and our daughter’s things and went to a friend’s where I’m staying now. I took pictures of all the pages in his diary. I told him I just needed some space to cool off after our conversation and I would be home soon. I booked a session with my therapist and even contacted a lawyer.”
The woman wrote, “My husband has sent me a couple of warm messages since I left. He said he’s glad I’m taking space for myself, that he looks forward to meeting me when I come home, it’s ok to have little hiccups, that he loves me etc.”
But the woman doesn’t know what to do now. She wrote, “I was sure our relationship was completely over the moment I read that he hates me. Even the moment I felt the need to violate his privacy was a sign that nothing is good in our relationship anymore. All his warm messages and the rest of the diary entries have me wavering a little.”
Angela doesn’t feel safe with her husband anymore.
Angela confessed, “I understand that my husband had the need to blow off his steam when things between us were especially tense. I believe keeping a private diary is a healthy way to do that and to release the emotions.
But never in even our darkest moments have I fantasized about my husband’s death. I might have thought about anything, even splitting up maybe, but what he wrote just feels so sinister. I don’t know how I could ever feel safe around my husband again.”
Angela added, “Now I’m constantly thinking about one thing, whether this was just healthy venting, and I’m overreacting here. I can’t believe many people have had similar thoughts about a spouse. I wonder if this is a man I need to protect myself and my baby from.
I’d like to mention also that our rough patch was about his feelings for another woman. Andrew didn’t cheat on me, but his friendship with her had been making me uncomfortable. The part of the diary where he said he hates me was written as a love letter to her. He said he was thinking about me dying and being replaced.”
