Couples split up for a reason. Some people confuse missing someone with wanting to get back together. Here are four red flags that show rekindling your romance could be a bad idea.
1. Parting happened for a reason
You’re crying and listening to your couple’s song over and over again on repeat. Your mind is flooded with memories of your relationship both good and bad, but you must admit that the good memories outweigh the bad ones. In fact, your mind is recalling events that had happened so long ago that you had completely forgotten about them. It’s like a cruel form of mental torture.
Research has proven time and again that when it comes to your ex, your brain tends to put on rose-colored glasses, warping reality to accommodate what you want to recall. However, every relationship has its bad times, and yours had enough bad times that were so severe that it led to the breakup. Every time you start to get misty over what happened between you and your ex, remind yourself that you split up for a reason.
2. It won’t be like before
Even if a short period of time has passed after parting, the negative experience managed to leave its mark.
When the relationship started, there were no problems. And if they were, then they were solved through compromises.
But at the end, in the “anamnesis” there is definitely at least one – the one that at one time crossed out all the good things.
3. They haven’t changed
If the breakup had already happened, it means that at that time they did not want to change in order to prevent the situation.
You should not believe in a sudden “enlightenment” after the decision to break up was made.
This is either a lie or a fear of being alone on his part.
4. Your Feelings May Be Different
You think that you’re head over heels in love with your ex; of course you do, why else would you want them back so badly? However, they hurt you and that’s tough to forgive entirely. Your feelings could very well be tarnished. Even if you manage to completely forgive them (in which case, you’re likely a saint), maybe they got a bad haircut or a regrettable tattoo, or perhaps they’ve neglected to take care of themselves and they have a beer gut.
Wouldn’t it just utterly suck if you spent all this time thinking about the dream man or woman that was once your S.O. and then your hopes are dashed with a cruel dose of reality? You may get back with your former love only to find out that you didn’t actually really want them back after all. Your feelings have changed and you’re pretty much over it. All you get for that is months of wasted time.
5. There’s Someone Better For You
When you first started dating your ex, whether you were playing the field or not, you chose to become official with them because they seemed like the best-suited partner for you. Over time, as you two grew closer and the relationship went on longer, you may have even thought they were your soul mate or “the one.” However, problems began creeping up slowly more and more until they led to your demise. Now you’re left clinging to the past and wondering if you’ll ever find someone out there who loves you more than your ex, and, almost as importantly, if you’ll ever find someone that you love as much as him or her.
It can be scary to make that first step to try finding love again, especially new love. Some people are content to stick to the old and familiar—their ex—suffering through an endless loop of on-again/off-again togetherness. Don’t be like that. Although it’s not easy, you have to be brave. How will you know if there’s someone even better for you if you never make an attempt to find out? Your future husband or wife could be dating a stream of losers and wondering where someone like you is right now.
