Two elderly women were sitting out on the front porch, sipping iced tea and complaining about the endlessly frustrating habits of their husbands.
“Even after forty long years of marriage, my husband simply will not stop biting his fingernails,” the first woman groaned, throwing her hands up in exasperation. “It drives me absolutely insane!”
The second woman smiled calmly, took a slow sip of her tea, and rocked back in her chair. “Oh, my husband used to have the exact same disgusting habit for decades. But just last week, I finally managed to completely cure him.”
“Really?” the first lady asked, leaning in with total amazement. “How on earth did you manage to do that?”
The second lady smirked and whispered:
“Easy. I just hid his dentures.”
Little Johnny Told His Teacher About a “Flat Dog” He Saw on the Way to School—And His Explanation Dismayed Her
On a bright Monday morning, a primary school teacher decided to start the day with a fun icebreaker. She turned to her class and asked if anyone had seen anything interesting or unusual on their way to school.
Little Susie raised her hand and happily said she saw a beautiful, fluffy golden retriever playing in a yard.
Little Billy jumped up and proudly announced that he saw a massive, loud cargo train passing by the tracks.
Then, Little Johnny raised his hand and casually remarked, “I saw a completely flat dog, teacher.”
The teacher gasped, her face falling into a look of pure horror. “Oh my goodness, Johnny, that’s absolutely terrible! Was the poor little thing run over?”
Johnny shook his head, sighed, and replied:
“No, he was just right in the middle of licking his own balls when a massive semi-truck completely blindsided him!”
