They say man’s best friend is always there to protect you, but nobody ever mentions the poor dog who has to take the fall for your worst gastrointestinal crimes.
Mary was on her absolute best behavior for her first dinner with her boyfriend’s parents. The evening was going perfectly—the parents were lovely, the food was spectacular, and the family dog, Fido, took such a liking to Mary that he curled up right beneath her chair.
Unfortunately, a massive lunch burger was starting to stage a violent protest in Mary’s stomach. Experiencing an agonizing buildup of gas, she discreetly managed to squeeze out a tiny, silent—but incredibly toxic—fart.
As the horrific odor hit the table, Johnny’s mother wrinkled her nose, looked directly at Mary’s feet, and scolded, “Fido!” Mary secretly rejoiced. The dog was the perfect shield.
A few minutes later, the pressure returned tenfold. Emboldened by her luck, Mary let a second, much louder one rip. The direction of the blast was unmistakable, but the mother simply glared under the table again and snapped, “Fido, cut it out!”
Thinking she was completely untouchable, Mary stopped fighting her anatomy altogether when the third wave arrived. She relaxed and unleashed a roaring, window-rattling, eye-watering explosion that brought the entire dinner party to a dead halt.
Johnny’s mother slammed her fork down, rubbed her watering eyes, and screamed at the top of her lungs:
“Fido! Get out from under there right now before she shits on you!”
