The young wife went into labor while her husband was overseas serving in the war.
The next day he got the news that his wife had delivered twins.
He got to a phone and called her right away.
“Oh honey, I’m so happy,” he said
“Who took you to the hospital?”
“Your brother, Joe, drove me, and since I had to be anesthetized he named the twins.”
The husband was horrified
“But, but, Joe is an idiot! Oh no! What did he name them?”
The wife answered, “We have a girl and a boy
Joe named the girl De-niece.”
The husband interrupted, “Well, that’s not so bad
What did he name the boy?”
“Joe named the boy De-nephew.”
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
“Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin,” she urged her new husband on their wedding night.
“What?” asked the perplexed newlywed.
“How is that possible when you’ve been married ten times?”
“Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn’t get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!”
“Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?”
“You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m gonna get screwed!”
